Over 40 Million Americans battle with anxiety, so it’s nice to know at least that we’re not alone… right? Unfortunately, as common as it is, it’s still quit isolating and lonely while you’re in the amidst of it. I know first hand, because while I was living in Maui (which was isolating and lonely for its own reasons) I battled with severe anxiety on the reg. It could have been the fact that in the first month we didn’t have anywhere to live or that we faced two hurricane threats within the first two weeks, oh and also not having anywhere to live. No matter what the situation was, it seemed as if the universe was testing the fuck out of us and wanted to play the game “How long will it take to break these two?”
With resilience being both Willow and I’s strong suit, we were able to overcome the obstacles that we faced and settle into a comfortable spot in the town of Paia, which is located on the North Shore of Maui. Though we had a comfortable roof over our head and the ability to Netflix and chill every night, I’d still be anxious from the moment I woke up until 4am when I was able to finally shut my eyes. It’s easy to fall into the routine of feeling anxious, doing your best to ignore it and hope that it’s gone in the morning. And repeat. But for me, when it wouldn’t go away in the morning (actually over 100 mornings) I knew I had to do some deep soul searching and figure out why I felt so fearful and not in control of my life. Because you know that’s all anxiety is right? It’s from this nasty little creature that lives inside of all of us called; fear. And that can be a difficult thing to overcome, especially if you’re scared enough that it’s causing you crippling anxiety.
So here’s what I did:
I wrote daily into my journal right when I woke up how I was feeling, what I was excited for and what I was nervous for. Because the first step to changing is identifying the problem. So after seven days of this, I began to see a pattern which than made it easy to see point blank what was continuously giving me anxiety (the nervous feelings) and what would create more happiness in my life (the excitement).
- I commonly felt fearful of dying, whether it would be a freak accident or something involving my health.
- I felt sad that I didn’t have friends & family close to me
- I was looking forward to who next would come visit me in Maui
- I felt excited about creating new content & continuously building my business
So with that information, I was able to dig a little deeper and address how I could take away those triggering aspects in my life. What came up was that I felt uncomfortable and unsafe in life because of past trauma (this can be a story for another time). But by knowing that the uncertainty of life itself stirred up an endless amount of fear and anxiety, I learned that I can heal trauma work through somatic therapy, which I will go more in depth about later.
My other trigger was feeling lonely and needing friends & family. I knew at that moment, when I was laying half naked and sandy, swaying in my hammock and writing down my thoughts on the 7th day; that moving to Maui was directly effecting those emotions and unfortunately wasn’t serving me at my highest level.
So being my action-taking self, I told Will I was ready to head back to Portland (in the dead-ass middle of winter) and begin my self-healing journey. I knew I couldn’t live in angst anymore and wanted to create a lifestyle that will cater to my needs.
What I learned through this whole journey was that it is okay to feel low and a bit lost at times. It is okay to be anxious and unsure where your life path is about to lead you. It’s just important to learn how to allow those feelings to be felt, address them and execute a plan that will serve you so you can be truly happy, grateful and abundant. When you live in fear, a state of victimization and reluctancy to find your best self, you truly aren’t really living.
So I’ll leave it with this:
“You make your own reality and have absolutely no limitations, other than yourself. Believe that you’re capable and worthy because nobody will believe in you more than you. Be present but with big dreams. Love yourself before loving others. Accept your breakdowns because of the breakthroughs. Be okay with where you are right now, don’t compare yourself to others, don’t think you’re any less because you may not be where they are or have what they have. Be grateful, abundant, compassionate and loving. Because why would you spend your life any way?